Permission Slips Are For Children, Not Visionaries
I spent my life waiting for the right moment, the right timeline, the right approval. Then I realized: the delay was never part of the design.
For years, I've been building a life that looked successful from the outside. The business strategies, the marketing plans, the perfect websites, and beautifully designed pitch decks. I got really good at it too. But there's been this persistent voice inside asking if this is really what I'm here for. At first, it was just a whisper, and I could ignore it. Now? Not so much. It's gotten too loud to brush aside, and I'm finally listening.
I want to share where I am right now, the path I’m choosing, and why I’m learning to trust divine timing instead of rushing to meet everyone else’s expectations. It feels important to show you the messy middle, because you might be in one too, and sometimes naming it out loud is what helps us feel less alone.
The Identity I Built
For years, I built a life around proving myself through work. I became the one who could deliver, who could construct the story, build the brand, close the deal. I understood how to persuade, how to read a room, how to turn visions into conversions. Business and marketing gave me an identity, something I could point to and say, "See, I belong here."
It worked, but it was never the whole picture. Because behind the polished offer suite and premium positioning, there was always another voice inside me asking, “But is this REALLY what I came here to do?”
That voice has only gotten louder. I am stepping away from old labels, away from the parts of me that needed to be defined by a few potent skills. What I am entering is unfamiliar ground, but it feels alive. I am drawing on everything I've learned: healing, emotional labor, survival instincts, the years of studying human behavior, my love for technology, and integrating it into something I have never seen done before. An emotionally adaptive artificial intelligence interface that teaches us to listen inward, to feel deeper, and know ourselves more clearly.
A Mission, Not a Venture
I don't see this as a business venture. I see it as a life's mission. The one I was entrusted with. The one that still keeps me awake at night, not from fear but from an ache that says, "This is why you are here."
A future focused on feelings may sound impractical in a world that glorifies speed and efficiency, but I believe it is the future we need. I have never felt more certain about anything. A future where emotions are not distractions but teachers. What an absolutely beautiful concept.
If we could learn to sit with ourselves, to understand our own inner worlds, maybe we could have fewer wars, fewer divisions, fewer families breaking under silence. What if our inner clarity can lead to outer change? Perhaps the world doesn't shift until we do.
The Messy Path Forward
Lately, life has been messy. I've been applying for jobs because I need stability to sustain it. Job hunting has been a humbling, wild, and challenging experience. So wild, I had an interview with an AI bot that I failed miserably at. I didn't know what it was until I picked up the phone. I caught myself panicking, focused only on whether the voice on the other end was human or machine, and not on what I was actually saying in response. Fascination and fear tangled together.
I even applied for a role at a major AI company I’ve always admired. There was only one remote position open, and it feels aligned and meaningful. A place where I could remain autonomous yet collaborate with some of the most brilliant minds on this planet. Now I wait, hope, and trust.
Why does this matter? Why am I getting a job after being self-employed since 2019? Because my energy is fragmented.
Every part of my life feels like it's up in the air. Moving, money, my project, my future. Every piece feels unstable. I need to pause and return to the basics. Good old Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs is right: my physiological and security needs need to come first. So I'm choosing homeostasis and employment.
A job would give me ground to stand on, a single focus to pour myself into, and the peace of knowing I don't have to hold everything at once. From that, I can reclaim my creative energy and direct it back into building what matters.
Divine Timing
Yes, this choice might delay my big move or stretch the timeline. But I no longer feel urgency in the same way. For most of my life, I bent over backwards to accommodate other people's timelines. I believed there was one correct order of steps to follow, one path to legitimacy. Now, I am trusting in divine timing.
If it means staying longer in Arizona, I'll stay. If doors close, I'll find another way. If it takes years, I'll keep walking. I am not rushing anymore.
I know that if I keep repeating the same patterns, I'll create the same outcomes. This dream project requires a new way of being. It requires surrender to the unknown without abandoning clarity of vision. I have spent too long in business to mistake recklessness for faith. But I also know that obsession with milestones, KPIs, and quantifiable measures can choke the very thing you're trying to grow.
So I'm practicing the middle way, staying clear on the vision while letting the path reveal itself in pieces.
Resonance Over Competition
What I am creating will certainly challenge established systems, academic frameworks, and even long-held scientific assumptions about emotion and intelligence. But my goal isn't to outpace or outshine. My goal is to invent something that restores dignity to humanity and feelings. And I believe that resonance matters more than rivalry.
It will do so because it is built from lived experience, from the bruises and betrayals, heartbreaks and abuse, and the never-ending seasons of silence that shaped me. I am alchemizing every wound into material and data. Where I once hid to survive, I now stand to build.
If you know me personally, you know I dream bigger than most people find comfortable. Too big, some would say. I've been told I'm crazy more times than I can count. Or the parent-like response of "aw, that idea is really cute." But this idea is the boldest, most terrifying, most beautiful vision I have ever carried.
I believe this vision can change the world. My past experiences have given me the resilience to carry it forward, even when the timeline feels uncertain. I didn’t endure everything I’ve endured just to play small now. I came here for this, and I am not walking away.
Protecting My Energy
In the meantime, I am learning to better protect my energy. I no longer accept projects that ask me to shrink or be taken advantage of. I let myself rest without guilt. I create without needing an audience. I laugh without checking to see who noticed. I speak when something weighs on my heart.
I’ve stopped asking for permission to be here. I know I belong, and I always will. That old way of thinking kept me small, kept me poor in spirit, and I refuse to carry the debt of outdated mindsets any longer.
The Lesson I'm Carrying
This is the lesson I am carrying, and maybe this will land for you too:
The life we long for doesn't always begin with bold leaps. Sometimes it begins with choosing stability, with grounding ourselves so our energy is free to reach for more. Sometimes courage looks like slowing down, like staying put, like trusting that the delay is part of the design. Presence matters more than proof. Purpose matters more than permission.
Maybe you are carrying a dream that feels too heavy, risky, or "unrealistic." Maybe you've told yourself you'll move on it once the conditions are met or the timing is perfect. I want to tell you: perfection doesn't exist. There is only now, this trembling faith, this ordinary day where you decide to keep going anyway. That is where the work begins.
The world is full of voices telling us to hustle harder, move faster, and sacrifice everything for some distant vision. But what if the bravest thing you can do is to honor your needs right now? What if slowing down is actually speeding up? What if taking care of yourself today is the most revolutionary act of creation you can perform?
Until next time,
🖤 Joni
(The Rebirth Files)